I wish

I wish  was married straight after matric and became a house wife or 

I wish I went straight to the SANDF and became a soldier like I always wanted to or

I wish I was married immediately after matric, went to the military and started my family after two years there.

I wish I fell in love with a boy from my childhood or met my high school sweetheart, better yet taken a chance and dated a boy in varsity.

I wish I was 6 kids in with 2 sets of twins in a homely house in a farm like neighbourhood and a husband who loves and serves God with his all but also so in love with me can't stop thanking God for me.  

No one ever knows how life is supposed to turn out but many make plans that they work hard to execute, while I never even tried to dream.

I remember wanting to cease to live in middle school so I started drinking thee strongest coffee hoping it would trigger a heart attack cause I heard someone say it would but now I am 33, still stuck with not knowing what to do with my life. Nothing excites. I can't even be God's good soldier with the silly sins I keep doing. 

I am tired. 

If I had to turn it around I would cease to live today but 

Since that is also not possible, I wish I would be a lotto millionaire and focus my efforts on making the lives of homeless people a bit better.