You might know her

She also experienced some unfortunate rejection from people she desired to be friends with.

This shattered her because she already felt rejected by her father.

The people she liked, liked others other than her.

After a while, these rejections were massive enough to break her down.

She was left hopeless with no desire to be friends with anyone, or to be anything significant to anyone who had the potential to make her feel valuable and needed.

She became very shy and withdrawn, a lonesome empty girl. Always afraid to be free, let loose and be happy. She hid behind dressing in characters to confuse the bystander not to know exactly what type of person she was.

She kept everything to herself, even when she really wanted to be real and talk to someone, she felt she would be misunderstood then judged.

Actually she felt judged, she judged herself before anyone did.
As a result she had few meaningful relationships, which had minimal focus on her. 
She was always worried of being judged & criticised.

So she became guarded.
To her always being alone seemed more manageable and peaceful.

From shutting people out, she missed the importance of having relationships.

She shared her burdens with no one, though she tried to constantly pray and cry her worries out.

To people she looked like a perfect example of a great life.
She always put on a facade to look put together, but some could see that it wasn’t real, wasn’t natural and wasn’t genuine, but would never enquire. 

She knew very well that this will get her no where far.

And each time she watched movies she saw how valuable and much needed relationships were.

She devised a coping mechanism that echoes: just love and live with people from a distance.

But that doesn’t provide the same, not even close to how real relationships should be.

This ate her up, but she pretended like she didn't care.

She looks at happy friendships and it swells her heart with happiness,

But also with jealousy and more with fear that she will never have those kind of friendships herself.

It’s something good to have but she can’t get it cause she has made herself feel and look different from others.

She tried and succeeded in brainwashing herself to believe that good relationships of any kind, are not meant for her, they are not hers to have and enjoy, that she is not suited for them and so it is happening, they are scurrying from her. 

It took me a while

It took me a while to grow and know that I am a grown person and have to live that way. I caught on to my peers way later. I was always going left when they were going right. Not because either of us chose the wrong direction, but because they were ahead and took turns earlier and I was a bit behind so I took my turns later than they. I took a while to see the truths of the world as I always look at the positives. I am afraid to look at the wrongs of life, to look at reality because it's harsh. I prefer my fantasies; they are fun and manageable, peaceful and comfortable.

I took a while maybe because I was unconsciously not keen of growing up. Not keen to grow up and see for myself the harshness and the bitter part of the world. Most old people are always unhappy, unsatisfied, complaining, angry, upset, impatient and they tend to not enjoy what is going well with life because they are always looking at the wrongs of life.

I am thankful to God that I always take a while to be comfortable with people or see things, whether good or bad, in them. If you don’t rush to judge anyone, however the judgement is, positive or negative, you allow yourself first to imagine yourself in the situation so that you can then measure whether your judgement is fair, or maybe that's just me. Maybe it’s because I am almost always fearful of making mistakes of misjudging others or treating others unfairly by jumping to uninformed conclusions. I am afraid of offending anyone or being in conflict with anyone, so I always take a while to think a bit before I speak, or react to anything.    

I also take a while to forget my mistakes and that of others. I beat myself up for things I did wrong, I worry intensely about what I said, what I didn’t say or what I said but would have said better. Though I don’t hold grudges, I don’t forget things easily, I take a while to forget, and most of the time I’d be cold and withdrawn or take a warm and deep conversation with you based on how you treated me the last time.
It took me a while to understand why people don’t love each other genuinely. I hate fake love, I hate people who don't show true emotions, or who are cold and harsh without a reason, i mean why would you just be nasty like that. I hate it the most when I am that way, i blame it on that time of the month, but I have long realised that, and I am still working on it.

I am far from perfect, I do wrong and I admit to it. It took me a while to learn  to love and let people love me, I am still not there yet. I am afraid to love deeply and also be loved, because a lot can go wrong and I am not prepared to deal with sad emotions and to have to forgive myself for letting someone’s world fall apart, or to forgive them for making my world fall apart, not now, not at my age. 

It took me a while to know that I am a woman and that I have to look and dress the way, not forgetting walking and acting the way. Aai I am not there at all, I do try to dress the way, I look the part and I try to walk the way but anything exaggerated, I can't. For start; heels and make-up, too much of feminine talk and acting too girly, it’s a painful mission for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am a woman and I love being a woman.

I am still taking my time to outspokenly say to people “I love you”. I still feel weird and awkward saying it. It doesn’t come out as natural as i want it to yet. So it’s a challenge for me for now to tell a gentle brother, “I love you”. It’s like I am crucifying my mental stability. So for my peace of mind and sanity, I rather not, I rather not say it to anyone as yet, if I am not comfortable saying it, I rather not strangle kind words out of me. I know saying it often will take that weirdness out of it but, I can’t please, for now imagine me saying it.

I am terrible with friendships as well, I am sometimes, okay with going weeks without a word, not even a two letter hi, to my old mates, sometimes I feel guilty, but most times it bothers me not. I know it’s kinda heartless, sorry, it’s my coping mechanism. I am afraid of flat conversations, so its better if I keep my distance. 

Even now, most of my peers are still well ahead of me but i know that we are all destined for a different life with different life paths and different durations to get there, so i never feel rushed. Do me a favour too, your time will come, so for now relax and enjoy your life as the days unfold, don't feel the need to hurry, you are on your time, that God destined for you to keep.

I do love life and people, obvious right. I am always happy and that is what i will always be and what I will always do, be happy 😊.

He

*Extremely exaggerated for the sake of the art*

This post is inspired by a passerby

He is a kind of guy that when you see him you remember Utopia. He looks like a perfect place, where only imagination can take you to meet him.

He looks like a forest mountain, with mist flowing over it.
He personifies a perfect island, Bora Bora tries to look like him.
Looking at him feels like fresh air, being in his presence would then feel like infinite happiness.

He looks classy, like expensive antique merchandise, a jazz loving smooth lover
When i saw him the other day, it was like hearing "isn't "he" lovely" being played by a duo of a Bass and a Saxophone.

He looks like a rare find; pearls from the bottom of the ocean
He can be a man in a suit and a Bible on his hands and no shame to show that he is saved. He seems like a man who apologises even when he's not wrong.
A lover with magnatic eyes, 
With a lazy walk, like the earth is about to tear

Hence his name means "to welcome warmly and tender heartedly" and that you immediately see if it happens that your eyes meet with his. He has a peaceful and warm spirit, even when you dont know him you can tell that he is a peaceful lover.