It took me a while to grow and know that I am a grown person and have to live that way. I caught on to my peers way later. I was always going left when they were going right. Not because either of us chose the wrong direction, but because they were ahead and took turns earlier and I was a bit behind so I took my turns later than they. I took a while to see the truths of the world as I always look at the positives. I am afraid to look at the wrongs of life, to look at reality because it's harsh. I prefer my fantasies; they are fun and manageable, peaceful and comfortable.
I took a while maybe because I was unconsciously not keen of growing up. Not keen to grow up and see for myself the harshness and the bitter part of the world. Most old people are always unhappy, unsatisfied, complaining, angry, upset, impatient and they tend to not enjoy what is going well with life because they are always looking at the wrongs of life.
I am thankful to God that I always take a while to be comfortable with people or see things, whether good or bad, in them. If you don’t rush to judge anyone, however the judgement is, positive or negative, you allow yourself first to imagine yourself in the situation so that you can then measure whether your judgement is fair, or maybe that's just me. Maybe it’s because I am almost always fearful of making mistakes of misjudging others or treating others unfairly by jumping to uninformed conclusions. I am afraid of offending anyone or being in conflict with anyone, so I always take a while to think a bit before I speak, or react to anything.
I also take a while to forget my mistakes and that of others. I beat myself up for things I did wrong, I worry intensely about what I said, what I didn’t say or what I said but would have said better. Though I don’t hold grudges, I don’t forget things easily, I take a while to forget, and most of the time I’d be cold and withdrawn or take a warm and deep conversation with you based on how you treated me the last time.
It took me a while to understand why people don’t love each other genuinely. I hate fake love, I hate people who don't show true emotions, or who are cold and harsh without a reason, i mean why would you just be nasty like that. I hate it the most when I am that way, i blame it on that time of the month, but I have long realised that, and I am still working on it.
I am far from perfect, I do wrong and I admit to it. It took me a while to learn to love and let people love me, I am still not there yet. I am afraid to love deeply and also be loved, because a lot can go wrong and I am not prepared to deal with sad emotions and to have to forgive myself for letting someone’s world fall apart, or to forgive them for making my world fall apart, not now, not at my age.
It took me a while to know that I am a woman and that I have to look and dress the way, not forgetting walking and acting the way. Aai I am not there at all, I do try to dress the way, I look the part and I try to walk the way but anything exaggerated, I can't. For start; heels and make-up, too much of feminine talk and acting too girly, it’s a painful mission for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am a woman and I love being a woman.
I am still taking my time to outspokenly say to people “I love you”. I still feel weird and awkward saying it. It doesn’t come out as natural as i want it to yet. So it’s a challenge for me for now to tell a gentle brother, “I love you”. It’s like I am crucifying my mental stability. So for my peace of mind and sanity, I rather not, I rather not say it to anyone as yet, if I am not comfortable saying it, I rather not strangle kind words out of me. I know saying it often will take that weirdness out of it but, I can’t please, for now imagine me saying it.
I am terrible with friendships as well, I am sometimes, okay with going weeks without a word, not even a two letter hi, to my old mates, sometimes I feel guilty, but most times it bothers me not. I know it’s kinda heartless, sorry, it’s my coping mechanism. I am afraid of flat conversations, so its better if I keep my distance.
Even now, most of my peers are still well ahead of me but i know that we are all destined for a different life with different life paths and different durations to get there, so i never feel rushed. Do me a favour too, your time will come, so for now relax and enjoy your life as the days unfold, don't feel the need to hurry, you are on your time, that God destined for you to keep.
I do love life and people, obvious right. I am always happy and that is what i will always be and what I will always do, be happy 😊.
I took a while maybe because I was unconsciously not keen of growing up. Not keen to grow up and see for myself the harshness and the bitter part of the world. Most old people are always unhappy, unsatisfied, complaining, angry, upset, impatient and they tend to not enjoy what is going well with life because they are always looking at the wrongs of life.
I am thankful to God that I always take a while to be comfortable with people or see things, whether good or bad, in them. If you don’t rush to judge anyone, however the judgement is, positive or negative, you allow yourself first to imagine yourself in the situation so that you can then measure whether your judgement is fair, or maybe that's just me. Maybe it’s because I am almost always fearful of making mistakes of misjudging others or treating others unfairly by jumping to uninformed conclusions. I am afraid of offending anyone or being in conflict with anyone, so I always take a while to think a bit before I speak, or react to anything.
I also take a while to forget my mistakes and that of others. I beat myself up for things I did wrong, I worry intensely about what I said, what I didn’t say or what I said but would have said better. Though I don’t hold grudges, I don’t forget things easily, I take a while to forget, and most of the time I’d be cold and withdrawn or take a warm and deep conversation with you based on how you treated me the last time.
It took me a while to understand why people don’t love each other genuinely. I hate fake love, I hate people who don't show true emotions, or who are cold and harsh without a reason, i mean why would you just be nasty like that. I hate it the most when I am that way, i blame it on that time of the month, but I have long realised that, and I am still working on it.
I am far from perfect, I do wrong and I admit to it. It took me a while to learn to love and let people love me, I am still not there yet. I am afraid to love deeply and also be loved, because a lot can go wrong and I am not prepared to deal with sad emotions and to have to forgive myself for letting someone’s world fall apart, or to forgive them for making my world fall apart, not now, not at my age.
It took me a while to know that I am a woman and that I have to look and dress the way, not forgetting walking and acting the way. Aai I am not there at all, I do try to dress the way, I look the part and I try to walk the way but anything exaggerated, I can't. For start; heels and make-up, too much of feminine talk and acting too girly, it’s a painful mission for me. Don’t get me wrong, I am a woman and I love being a woman.
I am still taking my time to outspokenly say to people “I love you”. I still feel weird and awkward saying it. It doesn’t come out as natural as i want it to yet. So it’s a challenge for me for now to tell a gentle brother, “I love you”. It’s like I am crucifying my mental stability. So for my peace of mind and sanity, I rather not, I rather not say it to anyone as yet, if I am not comfortable saying it, I rather not strangle kind words out of me. I know saying it often will take that weirdness out of it but, I can’t please, for now imagine me saying it.
I am terrible with friendships as well, I am sometimes, okay with going weeks without a word, not even a two letter hi, to my old mates, sometimes I feel guilty, but most times it bothers me not. I know it’s kinda heartless, sorry, it’s my coping mechanism. I am afraid of flat conversations, so its better if I keep my distance.
Even now, most of my peers are still well ahead of me but i know that we are all destined for a different life with different life paths and different durations to get there, so i never feel rushed. Do me a favour too, your time will come, so for now relax and enjoy your life as the days unfold, don't feel the need to hurry, you are on your time, that God destined for you to keep.
I do love life and people, obvious right. I am always happy and that is what i will always be and what I will always do, be happy 😊.
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