Life in my youth

My version of Maya Angelou’s “On aging”

When you see me wondering alone
Like a bird that lost it's nest,
Don’t think I need no loving,

I need a hand to hold mine and show me my way home,

I need your guidance,
Lead me through the darkness to light.

Smother me with your love to happiness.

When you see tears rolling down my cheeks

Please be my shoulder to cry on,

Know me or not, compassion have it, 
I beg I need your sympathy

Cause when my world is falling down

Maybe yours is holding on strong and steady 

Though I am not fond of small talks,

I need your chattering,

I can do with a little conversation,

Light hearted laughter can do me good right now

When my days go by without my phone ringing or messages beeping, no tag or a post on my timeline 

I ask of you favours

Please remember me and give me a tinkle
Tag me on those dry humour jokes of yours

Please dust me off this loneliness shelf

I am tired of wondering alone in this lonesome cupboard

Compassion, please have it.

When my heart is broken and mind shuttered in pain

Share a laughter with me if you got it, sad stories I will do without

“Don’t study and get it wrong”

Cause serious ain't mean aloof

And my infrequent smiles ain't mean I am rude

I have a lot more strength

A big bang oomph

Soft tone of my voice and jazziness of my words

I have a long way to go

So don’t treat me like a written off car.

Dear Dad, *questions*

So it was so easy for my dad to quit our family, to quit being there for me, his first born kid, to go be some other kids’dad, really? 

Is it that easy to just find another family to be with and be there for but rob your abandoned kids the chance to be raised by you, let someone else raise them for you, really? 

I've been suppressing this but honestly I am angry at you dad. I can’t let people in cause I am afraid one day they will pack up and leave me like you did dad. 

The worse thing is that; I can’t have my childhood with you ever, I will never be a teenager with a dad and all that absence and build up anger I have, I have to deal with it now when the emptiness of not having anyone close by feels super real. 

I am very upset that you didn't think I was a good enough child for you dad. I have times I wish I would chat with you or do whatever with you, just to spend time with you, but you are not here, you are nowhere.

I am sorry you left, I am sorry I made you leave. Is it possible dad that you just left and never once sat and thought of me as I do of you? I needed you dad, many times, I needed you but a need not met causes frustration, causes sadness, causes resentment, desperation and loneliness.  

I guess you are happy with yourself and I know you are very smart to know that you stole many memories from me; you deprived me of a different youth life. Maybe on the other hand you leaving was a blessing; but why do I feel so robbed than blessed?