Dear Dad, *questions*

So it was so easy for my dad to quit our family, to quit being there for me, his first born kid, to go be some other kids’dad, really? 

Is it that easy to just find another family to be with and be there for but rob your abandoned kids the chance to be raised by you, let someone else raise them for you, really? 

I've been suppressing this but honestly I am angry at you dad. I can’t let people in cause I am afraid one day they will pack up and leave me like you did dad. 

The worse thing is that; I can’t have my childhood with you ever, I will never be a teenager with a dad and all that absence and build up anger I have, I have to deal with it now when the emptiness of not having anyone close by feels super real. 

I am very upset that you didn't think I was a good enough child for you dad. I have times I wish I would chat with you or do whatever with you, just to spend time with you, but you are not here, you are nowhere.

I am sorry you left, I am sorry I made you leave. Is it possible dad that you just left and never once sat and thought of me as I do of you? I needed you dad, many times, I needed you but a need not met causes frustration, causes sadness, causes resentment, desperation and loneliness.  

I guess you are happy with yourself and I know you are very smart to know that you stole many memories from me; you deprived me of a different youth life. Maybe on the other hand you leaving was a blessing; but why do I feel so robbed than blessed?