About the awkward encounters

Written Saturday 05 May 2018 22:10
Editing and posting Today

Another one inspired by Joe's "On a scale" and generally the impenetrable ice wall that no ice breaker can break each time we meet.

There is this silence that says to me "i am low key intimidated by your height or your boldness", when i meet people. I get that feeling from the estranged people i no longer often see and strangers that I know; (those people you see often but dont know). These people make me think that they are afraid to speak to me, or maybe i am making them feel the same way?
I know i am not dazzling but i am not that bad to speak with or just greet. Even when i am the one doing the greeting, its not welcomed with warmness. You know silent acceptance of a greeting that almost sound like it didn't happen, that one, that bad one that make you feel very shy and awkward around people after the greeting. Honestly, each time we meet its like an iceburg going upside down, i find it difficult to speak freely because you are looking at me like i am some unusual creature.

So here, this is for you:

Maybe the awkward moments have to happen before we get to the comfortable stage of sitting in complete silence without feeling weird around each other.

Maybe the awkward hellos and a long pause before “how are you”, which usually never come, have to happen before the warm greetings, that are accompanied by big cheerful smiles, compliments and silly jokes.

Maybe the forced hugs that began as a weird hand shake have to happen, before the warm grizzly hugs that swells the heart with warm blood. Maybe later the hugs will not be as forced as now, so then i am making way for bear hugs and free flowing conversations.

Maybe meeting at weddings is the only place we need to meet to pass the awkwardness stage- that give me horrible flashbacks when I am sitting alone thinking back.

Maybe later the spontaneous calls and texts will marry into our friendship.

Maybe all the things we say in silence in this awkward stage will be vocalised, cause we speak a lot with silence and eyes.

Maybe one day our weird connection will be replaced by great laughter and long conversations, because i am tired of the vagueness, i am tired of us not being ourselves, i am tired of us saying everything else but what we really want to say because maybe we are making each other feel uncomfortable.

I hope that the comfortable stage will find us still young and creative with words, fresh with no wrinkles and knees still strong for long strolls and dances. For now, I am embracing the awkwardness and weirdness surrounding us.