My greatest weakness

“You can’t heal what you don’t reveal”, right?

My biggest flaw is that, the moment I know that I can do something, somehow I can’t. I know well that one thing standing between me and doing great, is knowing that I can. I know I have the potential, I have the most teachable spirit and the willingness to do the work, but somehow I get restrained by something, I hold back and blend in than stand out. When I am supposed to do something in that moment, I can’t, but the moment I am no longer required to, I do it, with less effort even. You know that moment when things happen without forcing them, that is what happens with me, most of the time. If I try too hard, it’s not always that I get great results. 

In most instances, if I have to answer a question on the spot, or do anything that focuses the attention on me, I fail dismally. Then I would feel embarrassed and worried of what people think about me. The great thing is that, I don’t beat myself up about these situations anymore. I have made peace with the cycle of life, we make mistakes, fail, try, fail, try again and move on, feeling embarrassed doesn’t help the situation, it only makes it worse. I still need to overcome being afraid of the positive attention though. The mini panic attack I get for attention must come to an end. I think sometimes I come across as if I am not passionate about anything, just because I hold back a lot, and it can be mistaken for shyness or timidity.

I strive and flourish in comfort zone. My home is my stage, I am confident all the time but at home, I am most confident. Unfortunately the world is out there not in my small room, and to accomplish dreams, I have to go out there. Home is the most comfortable place one can be in, a place where you find most people walking around with no make-up or perfect outfit. There are no harsh criticisms and judgements there, we all flourish and slay in our comfort zones. However, it’s a bad place to always escape to because with comfort we get too relaxed, and abundance of leisure time results in laziness.
Even though it’s not in everything that I do, that I fail under the spot light, it’s in the things that I love the most and are most excited to try that I struggle with hitting the bull’s eye the first time. I will try again, and again and again and again and i will eventually get it right, i will hit the bull's eye on the first try.