Completely vulnerable

Nothing kills peace worse than negative words being uttered at you

Constant utterances of “you are ugly, you will be nothing in life..." build up on you,

A cursing voice echoing in ones ears

From a big headed father who thinks knows best.

Who refuses to be corrected because he is mr-know-everything, always right, so he thinks!

The smell of alcohol on his breath

Just triggers unimaginable hatred,

I hate the attitude of “I am always right” that he has

Like we are a bunch of idiots in the house who can't tell between right and wrong,

Its enough.

He is mr-people-pleaser
Nice time with strange people its his thing

Like everything is puff puff and blow away

A serious poor man’s disease.

He is a present absent father,

Spending more time out than with us.

Some fathers are allergic to responsibility.

I have always longed for a loving father

The kind to brag about

To the point where people tire to hear me say “my dad”

I wonder what it would be like to have a:

man of God dad; loving, smart, humble, understanding supportive and very present.

As a woman, will I still look back and cry when I think about my family, especially my father,

Will I grow up to be independent with all that i need, but still have a void in my heart,

A big hole in my soul that was never filled by a dad’s love,

Will I grow up with unresolved daddy issues,

Suffer eternally from unhappy daddy memories?

No man can fulfil the longing of a father’s presence.

The love of a father is the kind that’s not dependent on any material thing to flourish

It’s not the ATM kinda love but

The kind with God as the foundation.

Money can never buy affection dad.

I value effort.
I value your care.
I value your attention and
I value your presence dad.

Do you like it that I resent you?

Are you proud that you never said;
“happy birthday, i am proud of you, i love you"
You have never called on my birthday 

You didn’t call on my graduation, twice

Or did anything showing affection.

How can I want to speak with you?

I once loved you dad, now I just tolerate you, I just respect you for mom’s sake.

Despite your absence, I choose to be and stay happy and content.  

It’s not easy to pretend that I don’t need you

But it got me to 25.