I grew up without a friend
A best friend would then be a luxury
Not even a simple colleague or a church mate
Has come close to become a friend
Is it because I am difficult to get used to or undeserving of friendship
Do I come across as too withdrawn and selfish
Is it because I am tall and big or
Is it just because I don't make an effort to be in the mix of things
Does having reliable friends mean that you are mentally attractive and easily approachable or
Does it mean you hold great conversations or
Does it mean you dress well or have a rare talent or
Does it mean you are more generous and always available even at impossible times?
I wonder, I constantly wonder
I wonder what being and having good friends looks and feels like
Not for my sake but
I need to share with the shy younger me-like persons, unfortunate souls
A life without a friend is difficult, too hard to cope
Having no one to share conversations with,
To share those dear life experiences, those misfortunes and those other moments you can't talk with your self about after prayer, is depressing.
Most days are sad and get by very slow and these sad emotions feel like physical pain.
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